Their ego versus your ego in the executive office

Their ich versus your ego in the executive officeTheir ego versus your ego in the executive officeYou know that leader who annoys you mora than anyone else the one you cant believe got to their level? He likely has aprimitive and impulsive ego that needs to be repeatedly reminded of how wonderful he is to feel good about himself or hell erupt, pout, manipulate or control.close dialog Advertisementclose dialog/* effects for .bx-campaign-1012257 *//* custom css .bx-campaign-1012257 */.bx-custom.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-type-agilityzone .bx-close z-index 2-ms-keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from -ms-transform rotate(0deg) to -ms-transform rotate(360deg) -moz-keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from -moz-transform rotate(0deg) to -moz-transform rotate(360deg) -webkit-keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from -webkit-transform rotate(0deg) to -webkit-tran sform rotate(360deg) keyframes bx-anim-1012257-spin from transform rotate(0deg) to transform rotate(360deg) bx-close-inside-1012257 top 0 right 0 /* KD - Remove padding from video wrapper and set height to 100% */.bx-custom.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-row-video .bx-video-wrapper padding-top 0important height 100%.bx-custombx-campaign-1012257 bx-creative-1012257 .bx-wrap height auto/* KD - Change positioning to static as that was not necesaary and here you can adjust the height of the video element */.bx-custom.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-row-video .bx-video-wrapper video position static/* rendered styles .bx-campaign-1012257 */.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-active-step-1 .bx-creative *first-child width 100%.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-active-step-1 .bx-creative background-color transparentborder-style nonemax-width 900px.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257.bx-active-step-1 .bx-close stroke whitebackground-color blackborder- style solidborder-color whiteborder-width 1px.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-group-1012257-AFvXBOB padding 10pxdisplay blockwidth auto.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-element-1012257-J0EiS8Y width auto.bxc.bx-campaign-1012257 .bx-element-1012257-J0EiS8Y *first-child padding 2px 4pxfont-size 10pxcolor rgb(255, 255, 255)text-transform uppercasebackground-color rgb(0, 0, 0)background-color rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.34)Inside is a little child screaming for attention who feels very unsafe.When that child gets triggered to feel the feelings she desperately tries to avoid, her behavior turns hurtful and dangerous. Shes tired exhausted from the lack of self-acceptance that haunts her. Hes shattered at the thought that someone might actually discover how unworthy he is.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraUnconscious defense mechanisms are deployed. And worse yet, without mindful self-awareness, she might not even realize any of this. So, she keeps putting on the take-no-prisoners exterior, feeling less than enough, drained and victimized. Sad.Dont engage. They are in the fight-flight-or-flee mode of a scared child. They will be meaner or more manipulative than you could ever be because to them this is survival. To you it is just an instance. Dont allow them to put you in fight-flight-or-flee because they will likely win.You can point out their behavior which often will de-escalate it. I recognize that you seem very angry (frustrated, persecuted, resentful) right now. It forces them to look at themselves not you.It is good to recognize that our own ego has a place in our behavior the same way it does in people who are hurting and hurtful. Your ego is your sense of self-esteem or self-importance. A heathy ego helps you navigate the world with rational thinking.The next time you feel an urge to lash back, argue, withdraw, or any other behavior that strips your executive presence pay at tention to your behavior, take a very deep breath and say to yourself, Oh, this is just my ego being primitive. I dont feel unworthy, so I wont act that way.Wishing you the quiet clarity of a calm soul who takes a deep breath and affirms yourself when you notice your own ego and inner child screaming out. May I be gentle with myself in this moment. I release my need to argue or win. I deserve all that is good. I accept that I am safe and effective.For more executive presence tips heres a link to my new FREE eBook 31 Executive Presence Practices for Leaders in the High Stakes Corporate World.